As an NLP Coach I am often asked – ‘what is NLP’?
Neural Linguistic Programming (NLP) was developed by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in the 1970s. It is an effective process for facilitating change, reframing out dated habitual patterns and limiting beliefs and helps you to access useful resource states to enable you to live a life that is in line with your core values and your true calling.
Your language, your body and your beliefs and values are a gateway to your deeper self. NLP enables me to navigate and understand the language of your inner neurology, to identify the limiting beliefs and feed them back to you so that we can find strategies and techniques that direct your unhelpful patterns and behaviours into a more useful direction.
My coach explained it like this:
Imagine that you have a robot, when that robot is initially created and hasnt been programmed yet it can be anything at all, its options are limitless. As the robot is exposed to the world, it writes its own software code. This self-developed code enables the robot to interpret events around it so that it can navigate the world.
In creating code, the robot generalises certain experiences in to self defined categories; it deletes details that it deems to be unimportant and it distorts some information to fit experiences that it has already programmed.
Later in the lifetime of this robot, it tries to download a new app but the app doesnt work. It doesnt work because the robot is trying to install the app into an old operating system that it created itsef 20, 30 maybe 40 or more years ago!
The robot that was created unprogrammed with unlimited options and opportunities is just like us when we are born. As we navigate life we have new experiences, create new goals, a new level in our life, career or relationships that requires a new app (a new empowering belief) to make it work.
The great news is that just like that robot, we programmed ourselves and so we can reprogramme our own operating systems to facilitate the new roles we want later in life. As a coach I help you to find the parts of the old operating system that arent working we can then delete those out dated beliefs and install new ones that serve you in today’s life.
What is an NLP Coach – how does it work?
There are a few common patterns I see that prevent change:
1. Trying to change the behaviour without looking at the beliefs underneath
Have you ever tried to change a habit, create a New Years resolution or create a new behaviour only to slip back into an old pattern soon after?
This is usually because we are effectively sticking a bandaid on an open wound, unless we stitch up the wound – it will keep on bleeding. It is vital to look deeper at what CAUSES the behaviour in the first place. What positive intention does it have for you?
Our brain is like an iceberg, only the tip floats above the water in our rational and conscious realm; only 5% is visible and in our awareness. We only hold 7 (plus or minus 2) thoughts in our conscious awareness at any one time! If you think about all the experiences we have in life it would feel pretty overwhelming to have them all in our conscious mind at once right!? Think of the robot above, this is why he deletes, distort and generalises information. We are the same, we hold this vast mass of unconscious and habitual thoughts and processes under the surface driving our direction as we are taken by the tide of life. By looking under the surface we can navigate the truths that drift there. For instance, smoking might be serving you by providing a form of relaxation. So we need to find another way to relax before that behaviour will truly change.
When you bring these unconscious processes into your conscious awareness you see options than you previously missed and can make informed choices to decide which new directions you want to go in. Once you have awareness you can change who you are BEING! Change your way of being and shift the limiting beliefs to empowering ones and you can ACHIEVE ANYTHING!
An example of this, say you wanted to be a healthy person… if you have a fridge full of food that doesnt support that then you are not BEING the person you want to be. If you believe you are already that healthy person you wont be putting junk food in there because you know it isnt who you are.
2. Blaming others for your current way of being
This is a really common and hugely disempowering pattern. You know the one… it usually starts “he/she did this to me” or “it was my childhood /my parents / that job / that relationship / that event”. Right now it could very well include ‘the pandemic’ or ‘the economy’ too. Although I know that these are very real situations and issues that most of us are facing in life… by putting the impetus for change on others you take away all of your power. No matter how hard we try, we cant change the past, nor can we change what other people say or do… but we do have CHOICE about how we react and respond. Put the choice outside of us and we lose power.
We create our own experience of the world, see the robot story above. We make sense of our experiences by the stories we attach to them. Once we can see that these are stories and only our version of events we can start to re-write them in a way that empowers us. By forgiving and seeing our own innocence in our past stories we can then chose our actions and reactions from a more informed place of being. I help you to spot these out dated stories and create new ways that help you to achieve your goals.
3. Focussing on the problem not the solution
Where our attention goes our energy flows. If we focus on the problem we are filling our capacity with problems and are not able to see the way out. We are programmed to take the path of least resistance and so will look for things to confirm our beliefs. A bit like the algorhythms on social media, if we start looking at cat memes more and more appear on our thread. It is the same in life… look for the negative and you will find things that support those beliefs.
Right now we are amid a pandemic… fear and hope are infectious. If we spend our time focussed on hope the fear will blend into the background and vice versa.
How does this relate to coaching? Instead of thinking about the things you dont want… for instance “I dont want to be broke / I dont want to feel anxious / I dont want to feel trapped”, focus instead on WHAT DO I WANT? Once you know that you are already on your way to achieving it! Focus on the dont’s and you will never ge to the wants. I can help you to discover what it is that you truly deeply desire and get you on the path to achieving it.
NLP Coaching and Me
I came across NLP when navigating a particularly stormy patch in my life. The fear monsters were jumping onto my ship and blocking my navigation systems left right and centre. Now, I have the ability to surf the waves and know that it is an empowering methodology that enables me to be my own puppet master. I know that it has created the foundation for deep and lasting positive change. Right now, I am hugely grateful for the skills and tools I have and for my own coach who supports me along the way.
I am here for you if you want to explore coaching, head over to my coaching page for details.
"Working with Clare was a brilliant experience. Warm and personable, she will instantly put you at ease before surprising you with her spot-on insights. I'd never had IEMT before, but was blown away by how quickly the process literally drains away emotion from painful memories, leaving you free to get on with with your life. Clare has a whole toolkit of skills at her disposal, meaning she has everything she needs to help you get to where you want to be. I would heartily recommend her."
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